9-11

I'm sitting here on Sept. 11, 2016 thinking about many things. Thinking, of course, about the events that happened on that fateful day.

I am thinking of other things, too. Thinking of the personal changes that I want to make. I am still finding my way. I live by myself. I will always live by myself. I have to take care of myself.

I am in the process of cleaning. Cleaning my house getting ready for cooler weather. Cleaning out my electronic house too. Deleting old and unused social media accounts. Thinking about things.

Thinking about some of the things I thought I was doing right that maybe are not so right.  Nothing big, just some personal changes that I want to make.

All is good, I just want to continue to grow as a person. Sometimes the things you think are helping, are actually enabling, and no one wants to do that.

Sometimes you just have to step back and look at things objectively and it's time for me to do that and to be truthful with myself.  Time to realize that sometimes people are taken for granted and whether it's intentional or not, you have to decide if you want to let that continue.

Sometimes you have to look inward and decide what is right for you and if you find that something you are doing for others isn't right for you, you have to make a change.

I'm planning on being here for a few more years anyway and I want those years to be good for me, and if that means making some changes, so be it.

I don't have any pictures to post today. I'm just typing out some thoughts that are in my little head. Maybe it's time to stop putting the health, happiness and well-being of others above my own.

I am still finding my way.

September Morn...

Well, it's the first of September and lots of things are new. One, for instance, is me typing a post on a new computer.  Yeah, my other computer finally needed to be replaced and I got a new one. Havent worked all the "new car bugs" out of it yet, but here I am.

I've been trying to get some organizing done and had to get some help with that and have made several trips with donated goods and such, but I think I'm comfortable with the amout of clutter I have in the house now.

I have been doing a lot of painting. My favorite paint is acrylic and I do my best work with it. I went on a photo jaunt, taking pictures for future paintings (and enjoyed a pretty day in the process).

At my age, 63, I still think I should be challenging myself by doing things that are different. Maybe I read too much on the internet about not keeping yourself boxed in, or getting outside your comfort zone.

Personally, I feel like I have made it through enough that I should be able to enjoy my comfort zone. I find that I sometimes do things others want me to do... when I really dont want to do them. I sometimes decide that I need to do things differently because other people do things differently.  It's like I dont feel worthy of my own comfort zone. Well, guess what...that is going to stop. I'd like to say it will stop immediately, but a life long habit is not that easy to break.  There is no reason to list the things that I'm going to change, but suffice it to say, I'm making changes.  For me.

As I mentioned earlier, I've been doing a lot of art recently. If you are my FB friend I'm sure you have seen them, but for my blogger buddies, I'll post them here.

This was an original, based on my love of the Blue Ridge Mountains and loving to see them every day when I go outside...

This one is hayrolls on the back of a flat bed truck. Reference photo was taken by me on the way home from California...

 Here we have a close up of a modern day windmill, once again based on my own photo traveling back home. I'd like to think it's an original take on something some think is not worthy of painting.

Speaking of original and modern...I painted this spacy painting last week, just playing around with circle templates and metallic paints.

I'm in an online art group and we're doing a challenge where we all paint our version of the same picture. Here is my entry. I wasn't happy with it so I made a few changes and called it finished.

One of the reasons I wasn't happy with it is that I used some texture gel, trying to step outside my little box a bit. Oh, it looks good and I'm quite happy with the end result...except, I now realize that I do not like texture, especially in a painting.  I could go on and on about this, but I choose not to. I simply do not like textures. I don't like frosted glass and I dont like fuzzy yarn and I don't like things that are bumpy or things with holes in them. Those kind of thing freak me the hell out. Sometimes things with holes in them make me want to throw up. Seriously. I know where this comes from and choose not to share it here, but it is a real thing.

All this being said, I knew when I watched a video of an artist finger painting (with vinyl gloves on) that I wouldn't like to do it, but I said to myself...don't be so silly, it looks like fun. try it.

Well, I did try it and I was so uncomfortable, that I know now, it's not just in my imagination, it's a real thing, I don't like to touch certain things and heavy body, buttery paints are right up there at the top of the list.  I love the impressionist style of painting, but never, ever again, will I do it without a brush, in oil paint, anyway. This sounds weird, but oil paint is so soft and doesn't dry quickly like acrylic paint does, that for some reason I feel like I'm going to drown when I use it. It's like I'm making myself step into quicksand. Or it's like someone is threatening to stuff a huge white marshmallow down my throat. I have painted with oils before, using the glaze method where you paint with a brush and use solvent to thin the paint to almost a liquid. No problem, I liked that just fine. There is just something about the puffiness of soft paint that chokes me. I know it's weird, but I was so tense and uncomfortable that I finally quit the painting and decided to just accept that I have this personality quirk, or whatever the hell it is. Painting is supposed to be fun, and I'll be damned if I'm going to make my own self uncomfortable. So there, now you know.

Anyway, this is where I stopped...

I know it needs more work, but I can't deal with it now. Maybe later when it has dried, I can go in and touch it up with acrylic paint that I'm more comfortable with. Seriously, have you ever heard of such a thing. I'm an odd freaking duck.

Oh, and by the way, I'm not looking for advice or seeking solutions to this anomaly, and frankly if you offer either, I'll harumph and walk away with my nose in the air.

So that's what's happening here on Planet Keene. I'm looking forward to fall and winter, and all that goes with it.

Remember to enjoy life and if you're happy in your comfort zone, screw anyone who insists you leave it.